Please excuse my lackluster wording, as it is 9:30 in the morning.
Some things have happened in between my previous post and this one. The Sniper and Spy unlockables (as well as several new maps and bug fixes/alterations) have been released for Team Fortress 2. This is good.
My Internet connection has been capped due to downloading 3 G.B. server software - don't worry, my download limit isn't 3 G.B., but I usually fill up about 85% of my 20 G.B. limit.
Michael Jackson has died. I will not resort to cheap jokes... or will I? Yes, I will. I apologise for my behavioural discrepancy there for a moment and will try never to do that again.
Now small boys won't have to check their closets for the Bogeyman - because he's dead.
Let's just hope he doesn't come back as a zombie, or we'll all be really, really, really entertained.
No amount of plastic surgery can help a crook heart.
The headline on tomorrow's papers: "Michael Jackson dead - boy scouts rejoice.".
That's enough for me now, as I prepare my flame suit. But hey, if the King of Pop has taught us anything, it's that bad publicity is still publicity. Isn't it just right that I use his methodology to capitalise on his death? That was rhetorical, of course.
Yes, I never really liked the little black man. I am talking about Michael Jackson, of course.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Insert usless title here. Or not; I'm up for whatever...
Again, I am sitting here late at night, watching Back to the Future and committing myself to this fruitless blog. One of my friends claims that the 90s teenage sit-com Kenan and Kel is better than Futurama. This is ludicrous! Futurama's themes of social and political satire are witty and presented with a great plot. We can associate our current sociopolitical state with the post-war/famine/holocaust hellhole of the 30th century. How can one relate to Kenan and Kel? "Oh no, I accidentally locked myself in a neighbour's house!" or "Oh no, we ran out of orange soda!" or "Oh no, my father hates my bumbling comic-foil of a best friend and expressed his rage through the majestic medium of screaming!". It doesn't nearly have the same effect, eh? My friend obviously has some more thinking to do regarding his television favouritism.
Speaking of Futurama, I am in a constant, permanent and invariable state of elation now that Futurama has been renewed for a second time! This is wonderful news for myself and all people like myself. Nerds. You happy now? I said what we were all thinking. Well, I typed what we were all thinking. Well, I typed what I was thinking. Well, to be honest, I'm really not too sure if I even thought that, come to think of it. What, I'm confused - what am I thinking about again?
But enough of that tired joke, here's one that I prepared earlier! I thought of a new superhero called Efficient Online Game Man. He is able to use his special Internet Vision to seek out playable servers! He is faster than a nerd's connection! He's able to leap Asian pings in a single bound! He can refresh his server list faster than you can say "Kicked: Ping was too high." Meh, it looked better in my mind, rather than on the Internet where everyone can see my abominations unto humor.
As far as the videos are coming, they are not. I am lazily flicking through various YouTube videos for a new Fake Translation, as well as a Brady Bunch parody and a very introspective yet funny mash-up of clips. That's all that I will divulge as of yet because you, lone reader, require an incentive to visit again! Please tell me that you're going to visit again. Please. I need people to admire me... *sobs*...
I am unsure as to how to end this post (what's new?), so as I have done so well in the past, I will simply allow the momentum of this paragraph to peter out into obscurity.
...
The end? Is that what I should write? Yeah, that'll do.
Speaking of Futurama, I am in a constant, permanent and invariable state of elation now that Futurama has been renewed for a second time! This is wonderful news for myself and all people like myself. Nerds. You happy now? I said what we were all thinking. Well, I typed what we were all thinking. Well, I typed what I was thinking. Well, to be honest, I'm really not too sure if I even thought that, come to think of it. What, I'm confused - what am I thinking about again?
But enough of that tired joke, here's one that I prepared earlier! I thought of a new superhero called Efficient Online Game Man. He is able to use his special Internet Vision to seek out playable servers! He is faster than a nerd's connection! He's able to leap Asian pings in a single bound! He can refresh his server list faster than you can say "Kicked: Ping was too high." Meh, it looked better in my mind, rather than on the Internet where everyone can see my abominations unto humor.
As far as the videos are coming, they are not. I am lazily flicking through various YouTube videos for a new Fake Translation, as well as a Brady Bunch parody and a very introspective yet funny mash-up of clips. That's all that I will divulge as of yet because you, lone reader, require an incentive to visit again! Please tell me that you're going to visit again. Please. I need people to admire me... *sobs*...
I am unsure as to how to end this post (what's new?), so as I have done so well in the past, I will simply allow the momentum of this paragraph to peter out into obscurity.
...
The end? Is that what I should write? Yeah, that'll do.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Just another typical post
Before I go any further (or anywhere at all), I wish to liberate myself from any sticky formalities that I have inadvertently established for myself throughout the life of this blog:
- There are new videos on the way; consisting of a new Fake Translations video and a mystery video.
- I am getting a new graphics card.
- I am bored.
- No one reads this.
With those phatic trivialities out the imaginary window, let's start by actually writing something of merit.
...
...
...
...
Wait, did I write "something of merit"? Shit, I think someone slipped me something again.
- There are new videos on the way; consisting of a new Fake Translations video and a mystery video.
- I am getting a new graphics card.
- I am bored.
- No one reads this.
With those phatic trivialities out the imaginary window, let's start by actually writing something of merit.
...
...
...
...
Wait, did I write "something of merit"? Shit, I think someone slipped me something again.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
*Sigh*...
This is bullshit. When I was a sperm, life seemed like a wonderful prospect full of whimsy, wonderment and constant adventure... But the experience that I kindly refer to as a "life" is hardly the whirlwind of unimaginable adventure that the recruiting video promised it would be. Instead, it's filled with disappointment, lack of fulfillment and a large group of idiots called the General Population. I thought that I could live with this for a while; every now and again, my essence drained to empty, but I got on with it and re-built myself. I really have had enough now.
No, you can all relax. This is not some attention-grabbing prelude to hanging myself. It is simply a shout and a rant, so that anyone who reads this (that's right, both of you) can get some kind of idea of life for others and hopefully apply it to themselves and become a better person. That is all I use the blog for - some mild entertainment for myself, some mild entertainment for others and a learning experience for us all. I've not really talked about my intentions for the blog, or even why I felt the need to create it. And I never will. Probably, that is. Perhaps in the future I will look back at these poorly-edited posts and think about my past - and elaborate for all three of the readers that I will have gained in all of those years. But right now, I feel no need to discuss the very boring and to be honest, very ordinary circumstances that led to me giving birth to this blog out of my anus.
Whatever, I'll do it now. Boredom. That's it. I was bored, and wanted to tell everyone about it, like most bloggers - unlike most bloggers, however, I wish that my reader(s) may gain some insight into the Human condition and apply it to their own lives. Wanky enough for you yet, or would you like me to ejaculate all over the screen?
Please do not email me asking for a picture of me ejaculating on a screen. That would be a bit weird.
Anyway, this sign off will be a regular sign off.
That's it.
See? I told you it would be regular... Oh shit, paradox! *Head explodes*.
Please do not email me asking for a picture of my head exploding. My face head, that is.
No, you can all relax. This is not some attention-grabbing prelude to hanging myself. It is simply a shout and a rant, so that anyone who reads this (that's right, both of you) can get some kind of idea of life for others and hopefully apply it to themselves and become a better person. That is all I use the blog for - some mild entertainment for myself, some mild entertainment for others and a learning experience for us all. I've not really talked about my intentions for the blog, or even why I felt the need to create it. And I never will. Probably, that is. Perhaps in the future I will look back at these poorly-edited posts and think about my past - and elaborate for all three of the readers that I will have gained in all of those years. But right now, I feel no need to discuss the very boring and to be honest, very ordinary circumstances that led to me giving birth to this blog out of my anus.
Whatever, I'll do it now. Boredom. That's it. I was bored, and wanted to tell everyone about it, like most bloggers - unlike most bloggers, however, I wish that my reader(s) may gain some insight into the Human condition and apply it to their own lives. Wanky enough for you yet, or would you like me to ejaculate all over the screen?
Please do not email me asking for a picture of me ejaculating on a screen. That would be a bit weird.
Anyway, this sign off will be a regular sign off.
That's it.
See? I told you it would be regular... Oh shit, paradox! *Head explodes*.
Please do not email me asking for a picture of my head exploding. My face head, that is.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Fuck
Fuck. That's right, I've resorted to the gratuitous swearing, and much faster than most people! I am a true visionary indeed - ahead of my time, some might say. And some might be right. I thank you for all of your support, some.
My sheer infallible talents aside (but how could we ever really ignore them, as they pound at us all with their cacophony of brilliance?), I am in the process of making some new videos. Already, I have released KFCranky, a slight follow-up to KFCreepy, except that there are no similar characters, plots, jokes, shots, sounds or themes. Except for KFC. And ads. And subtitles. And manic, enraged freaks; but this is a common theme to all of my videos. I mostly chose the similar subject matter because fast food ads are usually fairly light-hearted, and this one was no exception.
Aside from describing my videos, this post has another motive (somewhat ulterior) that is rather important to the life of the blog. How ironic that something with life can come from something with no life. Take that, creationists. Anyway, it should be known that I am attempting to post more on the blog; a lot more. Expect more posts more often.
That's it.
My sheer infallible talents aside (but how could we ever really ignore them, as they pound at us all with their cacophony of brilliance?), I am in the process of making some new videos. Already, I have released KFCranky, a slight follow-up to KFCreepy, except that there are no similar characters, plots, jokes, shots, sounds or themes. Except for KFC. And ads. And subtitles. And manic, enraged freaks; but this is a common theme to all of my videos. I mostly chose the similar subject matter because fast food ads are usually fairly light-hearted, and this one was no exception.
Aside from describing my videos, this post has another motive (somewhat ulterior) that is rather important to the life of the blog. How ironic that something with life can come from something with no life. Take that, creationists. Anyway, it should be known that I am attempting to post more on the blog; a lot more. Expect more posts more often.
That's it.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Losing Steam
I really need a new graphics card. Now that the epoch of Realtek is over, I can focus on my research of graphics cards for my computer. The thing is, I am losing steam with gaming - don't get me wrong, I love games more than any other media, but the games that I am currently stuck with are not really cutting it anymore. They're:
- Team Fortress 2
- Left 4 Dead
- Counter-Strike: Source
- Garry's Mod
As great as they are, I am losing my patience. Team Fortress 2 is great! I have all of the new weapons now, thanks to Valve's shonky re-addition of milestones, but this is not enough to keep my interest. I feel that Left 4 Dead is great and that I've not spent enough time with it, but there is hardly a community for it anymore, and if there is, they are all American (I am Australian); this coupled with the really, really, really, really bad matchmaking system is enough to make me stop playing all together. Let's not forget about the lack of campaigns and the looming take-over of Left 4 Dead 2, but that rant is for another post. Counter-Strike: Source is suffering from the same problem as Team Fortress 2: not enough variety. And Garry's Mod? Nothing too wrong with it, except that I am really craving a nice, long, heavy, story-driven single player experience. I know where to find it, too.
Fallout 3 eludes me with its shiny, crisp graphics that would fry my poor nVidia 9400 GT. Sure the card has 1 G.B. of RAM, but the RAM of a video card hardly makes a difference these days... Sure, technically I could run Fallout 3, but forget branching story lines and free-roaming exploration; my only two in-game choices would be to either run it on low or run it on medium and endure the lag.
I don't lie to myself and pretend that everyone wants to hear how I feel, unlike so many other bloggers. I understand that you must be reading (or most likely not reading) in search of some kind of gain for yourself - so I will end on some sort of mildly humorous joke or anecdote that is more likely to make you wince than laugh. That way, no one can say I didn't at least try to be entertaining.
What do a proctologist and an accountant have in common? They both work it out with a pencil. What do a prostitute and a good accountant have in common? They both work it out with their head.
Ahh... How shithouse.
- Team Fortress 2
- Left 4 Dead
- Counter-Strike: Source
- Garry's Mod
As great as they are, I am losing my patience. Team Fortress 2 is great! I have all of the new weapons now, thanks to Valve's shonky re-addition of milestones, but this is not enough to keep my interest. I feel that Left 4 Dead is great and that I've not spent enough time with it, but there is hardly a community for it anymore, and if there is, they are all American (I am Australian); this coupled with the really, really, really, really bad matchmaking system is enough to make me stop playing all together. Let's not forget about the lack of campaigns and the looming take-over of Left 4 Dead 2, but that rant is for another post. Counter-Strike: Source is suffering from the same problem as Team Fortress 2: not enough variety. And Garry's Mod? Nothing too wrong with it, except that I am really craving a nice, long, heavy, story-driven single player experience. I know where to find it, too.
Fallout 3 eludes me with its shiny, crisp graphics that would fry my poor nVidia 9400 GT. Sure the card has 1 G.B. of RAM, but the RAM of a video card hardly makes a difference these days... Sure, technically I could run Fallout 3, but forget branching story lines and free-roaming exploration; my only two in-game choices would be to either run it on low or run it on medium and endure the lag.
I don't lie to myself and pretend that everyone wants to hear how I feel, unlike so many other bloggers. I understand that you must be reading (or most likely not reading) in search of some kind of gain for yourself - so I will end on some sort of mildly humorous joke or anecdote that is more likely to make you wince than laugh. That way, no one can say I didn't at least try to be entertaining.
What do a proctologist and an accountant have in common? They both work it out with a pencil. What do a prostitute and a good accountant have in common? They both work it out with their head.
Ahh... How shithouse.
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